Again, it's been several....days. But I've been very busy with grueling trips to San Diego where I tested the salt concentration of the Pacific Ocean at Oceanside beach, and the capacity of the waves to carry a human on a boogeyboard from waist-deep water to the shore. I have to report that it is very probable for the waves to do that, it's just a matter of timing when the boogeyboarder hops on the crest. That's a little more tricky.
And the ocean is salty. Very salty.
Of course, I've seen Harry Potter 7-b (as I call it). I thoroughly enjoyed it although I wanted more Gringots and invisibility cloak. However, it reminded me of a very funny posting I found ages ago on mugglenet.com. So, in the goodness of my heart, I decided to post it on my blog. If anyone should know who it was that orginally wrote it, please let me know because I would love to give them the credit they deserved. It's awesome!!
50 Ways to Annoy Voldemort
(or 50 ways to considerably shorten your lifespan)
1.Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar
2. Ask him if he has any grey poupon
3. Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin's "I will survive...."
4. Greet him in the morning with a sarcastic, "My sir, you look particularly menancing today."
5. Get a pair of finger puppets resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess
8. Dance the funky chicken
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again
11. If you ever need to say "like taking candy from a baby," be sure to add "Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others." Stare pointedly at him
12. Play "knock and run" at his bedchamber door every night
13. Call him "The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live"
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something "more socially acceptable"
15. Insist that you have meet chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals
17. Be cheerful
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say, "Awwww, lookit! Voldie's got a twiggle!"
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like, "You're the boss, boss" or "It's your funeral."
21. Teach him how to spit tobacco
22. Taunt him about his middle name. "Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?"
23. Keep a good behavior chart. Award points and give out gold stars
24. Magic-marker Potter style glasses on him while he sleeps
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for one hour
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one.
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you
28. "Did you even have a girlfriend? EVER?"
29. Tell him he should really try the 12-step program for Evil Overlords-Evil Overlords Anonymous
30. Anytime he enters a room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll
32. Exclaim sarcastically, "You're breakin' my little heart here, Dark One" whenever he starts to talk about what has caused him to become who he is
33. Encourage him to think "happy thoughts"
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling
35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a host
36. Tell him you think a yoga class can cure him of "his wicked ways"
37. Get the song "Mr. Tamborine Man" stuck in his head
38. If he's having an evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, wingardium leviosa a lightbulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say, "I thought I was helping!"
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger
40. Buy him a stress ball
41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph
42. Call him Tommy-boy
43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo
44. Whack him in the arm and say "mosquito" every few minutes
45. Say he looked better under the turban
46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some
47. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back, and say "Eeeeexcellent!"
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and Star Wars. Talk at great length
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away
50. Imperius his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright and Beautiful"
Whew! That took a while! I'll have you know, I found this after the fourth book was published but before the fifth one was released. Still makes me laugh....
