Friday, August 3, 2007

Just a poem

I wrote this poem, intending to stick it in my story to replace a different one, and I just want some opinions on it. It's basically the rough draft, and I've never been good at writing poems so any bit of advice helps:

"I wish," said the wind, blowing strong
"That I were like the tree
And stood unmoving for all time."

"I wish," said the tree, standing tall
"That I were like the wind
And beheld the wonders of the world."

"I wish," said the river, flowing deep
"That I were like the mountain
So tall and proud, strong and wild."

"I wish," said the mountain, rearing high
"That I were like the river
So graceful and calm, wise and patient."

"I wish," said the desert, sitting bare
"That I were like the ocean
Filled with life and always wet."

"I wish," said the ocean, crashing loud
"That I were like the desert
Filled with secrets and always dry."

"I wish," said the world, revolving slow
"That all things would be grateful to God
Who made them with purpose, and gave them life."

Ponderously yours, Goat

3 comments:

Your Name said...

WOW! I love it...though I think you have a typo in there "stading" instead of "standing." The ending is fantastic though.

Lizardbreath McGee said...

Agreed. Well done!

Jekka Goaty Senoj said...

oops! so I do. heh heh. I'll fix it. . . .